


Beware!

by blacksheepwoman



Category: Original Work
Genre: Funny, Humor, Poetry, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 13:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacksheepwoman/pseuds/blacksheepwoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A big brother sits down his little brother to impart his wisdom of the online world - some of it. Just a crack - meant to be funny - poem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beware!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really just saying random stuff. No deep meaning or anything. Just hoping to make someone crack a smile.

A boy’s big brother sat him down one day on his bed

and with importance somewhat plastered on his face, said:

“I have gained some experience and wisdom over the years,

            and it is one of my many fears,

            that without some prior warning, you will be derped by your peers.

So you better listen good with those Dumbo ears,

            ‘cause my imparting insight is priceless,

            preciously timeless -

            and can really come in handy in a crisis.”

 

“Okay~”, said the little boy

            looking anywhere for some distraction or decoy.

“So~ just a quick question,” his voice laced with a plea,

            “just how much is this going to turn painful or awkward for me?”

 

“Oh, shut it, kid” his big brother snapped.

            “I’m not letting you go until I’ve had my say so you’re trapped.”

 

The big brother suddenly threw his arms dramatically in front of him

            and his voice became deeper and solemn and grim.

 

“Beware of the internet troll

            whose only goal

            is to stalk you, frustrate you, and make you mad

            so as to force you to go off into rants in blogs or chats.”

 

“Be suspicious of the anons!

            They are the internet troll’s pawns!

 - Not all of them, of course

            but that’s kinda the point when you don’t know the source.

Some of them are just shy which is easy to relate

            though others are just noobs spreading random hate.”

 

Then the big brother’s eyes grew wide

            and he gave a strained cry:

 

“And be wary of the most terrifying creature

            to ever haunt children: the math teacher!”

 

The lil’ boy looked doubtful. “The math teacher?”

            “Why is it the math teacher?”

 

The big bro shrugged. “It was always the math teacher for me,

            but just draw a blank and put your own despised subject if need be.”

 

The lil’ boy kept wondering what the sanity in any of this was and _why_

            as he looked up dead center into his brother’s eye.

 

“Do you ever think you might have something mental

going up there in that head of yours?”

 

“All the time, kid. And second-guessing one’s sanity isn’t accidental. 

So I took some online quizzes and according to my scores: …”

           

“This is just getting silly,”

            said the boy,” because really?”

“You thought that was the best way to check your health to be?”

 

“Well, I also checked WebMD.”

 

“Wow~ There is definitely something about you that makes you suffer,

            but I feel like I’m learning _something_ from you, brother.”

 

“Thanks~ but I still have plenty lines

            of infinite and random real-world knowledge bits to share,

            and I’m going to blow your mind way too many times

            - so take good notes – this is all for you to prepare.”

 

“Never lose yourself in OTP wars.

            Even if you feel you must bash in theirs,

            it will lead to very dark paths and one-way doors.

It’s better to say that all the characters will get their shares.”

 

“Not everyone is going to get your joke

            and no matter how awesome your post is

            won’t mean an onslaught of favs or notes.”

 

“Is there going to be a mandatory quiz?”

            asked the little boy.

 

“No,” said the big brother. Just slightly annoyed.

            “Why?”

 

“Because I don’t know how this would all apply,

            at least not right now –

Oh, don’t give me that scowl!

            I know you’re trying to teach me lessons

            but you’re really only leaving me just more questions.

“So how about this?

            If I have a problem that stumps me, then I come to you and your brilliant wits!

But seriously though bro- for everyone’s benefit,

            Go see a specialist.” 


End file.
